The devil is in it.

I can see that after yesterdays events a dark period of indeterminate length lies ahead. I think the devil is in it. When I look back on my North Parish days and some of the fixes that I got into I am very thankfull for the times that Gordon J would say, " I see the devil in it.". He was right and not that I am in a situation that is not of my making and indeed after a discussion I had with R, I can see that it is far bigger and more suptle than I realised, but never the less the devil is in it.

We need to be aware of the little foxes and catch them and the tongue needs to be guarded.

I am more sure than ever that the devil walketh about seeking whom he may devour.

George

Humility and forgiveness

Today was a day where I felt sinned against, and lets just say that humility is not strong point with the person concerned. As I get older, I realise all the more why scripture emphasises the need for humility and to forgive one another. In my case, I need to forgive whether I get an proper apology or not.

There have been times when I have had to apologise, back down or just accept things. It is always difficult, but I see all the more the neccessity for it. Christ has to be seen in me

Last Friday

I thought the performance of "The Scotsman and the Man From Florida" went well on Friday. I felt a certain warmth from my captive audience. I love them very dearly and at the end of it I told them so. It was fun being photographed with Kim and Charlie and I thought the Hilda Baker scetch by malcolm and Alison was funny.

He who finds a wife

Today, I got the Scripture Union Scotland magazine. In it was an article that made me laugh and it lifted me. It concerned a man who in his SU bible reading notes in 1979 he found Proverbs 18:22, " He who finds a wife finds treasure and he recieves favour from the lord" That day was to be his first date with his future wife. I hope the lord does something for me like that. I was able to work out from some of the details in the article that he must have been in or around 50 at the time.

He spent 37 years working for SU Scotland.

the party and my testimony

It is the theatre christmas Party tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I have some bottles of non alcoholic grape juice as I do not drink and drive and I will be doing a turn. I have written a script called, " The Scotsman and the man from Florida". I start with talking about my experiencess of the theatre in Dunfermline. It is in fact the Carnegie Hall. I tell the audience about my childhood visits there to see the scetches that were put on for schools. then I move on to the time that my secondary school performed the Vagabond king. I was in the chorus and I will sing one of the songs from this operetta. I then move on to the night that Jim and I saw, "His Ambassadors" at the Carnegie Hall and the following morning I met Richard. Jim recognised him. We got talking and as a result of that conversation I was saved. I expect that the people in the theatre whom I dearly love will not have seen anything like this before.

Palestine

Today was really good. We had a visitor from Sportlink who works in Palestine. She coaches a mans basket ball team. She also told some grueling stories of how they are treated by Isreali soldiers. I discovered that like me she had been at the shelter. It was there that I met Palestinians and Isrealies. I have been praying for something like this to happen as I realised that it would be a wake up call to a certain person. Evidently I got that right, she was not pleased, but the fact is that christ died for everyone who will accept him and that includes Palastinians and I think that for a Palestinian to accept christ must be very difficult indeed.

It is terrible when a man is trying to take his daughter through a check point to hospital and the soldiers mock him and tell him to touch his daughters bum.

Or when there is a curfue and a 5 year old child runs out to get neccessities like bread and is shot.

If God is grieved then so should we be. We should be very angry.

We should also be angry at the way hamas kills isrealies

We should also support the poor and oppressed no matter who they are or what side they come from.

I was once an enemy of God, yet he has come to me.

P and p and my frustration

Good christmas dinner at the hand last night, but as the theatre are performing Pride and Prejudice and I am playing Sir William Lucas I had to leave early. I am really enjoying it and at the theatre christmas party I am going to do a short performance the likes of which they are not likely to have ever seen before.

I still feel the need of a good believing woman. the sexual frustration is just too much as is the loneliness. I need God to do something for me.

Pen pals

Acquired two pen pals. they are very different to one another, but who know what could come of it. I may learn a great deal

Brett

Brett was here today. It was lovely to see him and to talk about the work each other is doing.

I think it is good to hear about a small mission that has been the brain child of this man and for him to tell me how touched he was by an African child whom he gave a school jersey to who now wants to pass it on. She calls him her father.

Christmas and the Vagabond King.

I have written a script for a scetch that I am going to do at the Attfield Christmas party. At this stage I am not going to say too much about it other than I doubt if they will ever have seen anything like this before or will again and I have put a song in the middle of it from "The Vagabond King".

Pride and Prejudice

Did a lot of Dancing practice for Pride and Prejudice this evening. I am looking forward to seeing the costumes and the performance.

The little things in life

I have been looking back over my life so far and realises that things that seemed every day or very small were in fact very significant. There came a point where I had my degree and sent in a letter to the C of S to get an application form that I thought would mark the start of entering the ministry. It landed on the desk of my former minister. This in its self is very unusual. He talke to me as a friend and advised me against it saying he did not think I would make a good pastor. The decision however was mine. As I thought that I would need his support, I with some reluctance decided to look at missions instead. After a long process here I am having been in a mission for 15 years. That conversation was the start of it. it was short, but life changing. Sometimes God in his providece leads us in way that we do not expect. I can testify to that.

The premeir

Last night film premier of Journey To Babylon was fun. The crown on my head looked enormous

I got talking to a couple who gave me some usefull information about another couple that I could use for witnessing

George Dances

I do dance you know, and tonight at rehearsal, I expect that I will be dancing. We are doing Pride and Prejudice and I am playing Sir William Lucas. This should be fun

Sticking your tongue out

Someone stuck her tongue out at me today. To be fair, I did that back to her. Somehow we have become friends, which is lovely. Perhaps we are a little closer than we once were.

Last weekend

Last weekend was lonely, but lovely

I went out on Saturday evening with a family to a meeting on the reformation. Their 2 year old daughter wanted to take my hand and lead her into the building. I thought that was lovely.

The meeting was good, but not as well attended as I would like. We the church have lost our way. Many so called evangelicals welcomed the Pope. It is as though we have no concept of what the Roman Catholic church teaches. The accept the need for faith, but it is alway faith plus something else. They do not depend on christs work on the cross and his resurrection alone.

The next day was nice. We were at the same familys home and the 2 year old and two of her sisters played with me. In the morning the 4 year old played with me outside the chapel and then sat on the wall with her head on my shoulder. It reminded me of my nieces and how they played with me as children. It was just lovely.

i blog. I really do

I think that some people on the team were surprised today to find out that I am very much a social networker. I am on facebook. From time to time I twitter and here I am bloggging. Is there no end to my communication talent?

On the Attfiield theatre Committee

I am now on the theatre Committee. Can you believe it?

On the Attfiield theatre Committee

I am now on the theatre Committee. Can you believe it?

After the fire

I went with my friend to see, "After the Fire" on Saturday. It was a good concert. There were two other bands and a girl soloist. The event sponsored the Dalit Freedom Network. I found it interesting to see this work from a different perspective. We got talking to the lead vocalist of ATF and he reallys seems to know his stuff about mission and Bangladesh in particular.

It was a well polished performance and it seems to me that most of the songs tell stories.

the work of the Dalits was well presented. Probably one of the best presentations I have seen. The manner in which they are treated on their own country is shamefull and we should be more aware of it.

Restrepo

I saw film at the Attfield Theatre called "Restrepo". It is about soldiers in afghanistan and how the death of the medical officer.

At one point in the film the commanding officer allows time for the men to pray. These men are literally in a life and death situation so it seemed to me that most of them did pray. The audience saw the effect that death has on them. One soldier could be seen wailing the death of one of his comrades. The film was made in the Korengal Valley. It is simply a look at how soldiers really are. I think that they face things emotionally that will never leave them

House manager

I have enjoyed being house manager this week. It gives me a chance to talk to people.

I have met my daughter. Oh yes, I have one between now and the middle of December. We are doing Pride and Prejudice, I will play Sir William Lucas and she will be playing Charlotte.

She likes to talk about history and so do I.


Oh well, out for a curry tonight and party tomorrow.

the ache

The ache is on the rise again. It is always there, but it is definetely on the rise again. Lets see what God does about it.

I could get paid for this

Someone has suggested I could get paid for blogging. I was considering it anyway, so if that person who suggested it gets back to me, I will give it some serious consideration once I have satified myself that this is not a scam or would connect me with things I would object to. The idea of being paid for something I enjoy appeals to me.

Theatre

I am front of house this week. At one time, I did not think that I would enjoy that, but it gives me a chance to talk to people. It builds relationships and sometimes gives me a chance to talk about spiritual things. It also adds to my social life. I love the people in the theatre very much.

Next time, I am in the cast of Pride and Prejudice. I am really looking forward to that.

one person

It is amazing what God can do with one person. The apostle paul, was one man who inspired others to plant churches. He communicated with those churches and much of what he wrote to them is in the New testament and ministers to us today. How many Billions of people in his day and down through the ages have come to the lord through what that man said and wrote? Could he have conceived of the number of languages his letters would have been translated into and that people would still be reading them centuries later?

I do not expect to make a contribution to the lords work on that scale, but I do expect to influence people. Think about it.

have you ever noticed?

Have you ever looked at the adverts that appear when you write anything on the web? It is amazing how they reflect what you have just written. I wonder what will appear when I put this up?

Container

I had no idea that you need the strength of Samson to open and close a container until last night. I am helping some friends to move out of their house temporarily and their things need to go in a container and it was not as simple as it seems. We tugged and tugged at those doors in the dark until finally we worked out how to open them and closing and locking them again presented some difficulty. If I ever do this again at least I will have a better idea of how to handle it.

Will I Finish Well?

I find that the older I get, the more I see some disappointments I did not think I would see. People I once knew who professed faith in christ now deny him. At the time, I could not have envisaged any of them doing that and some deny him very vehemently. One wonders if they were ever really saved in the first place? I am sorry to say that it is like the parable of the sower and the seed. Some fell on all sorts of bad ground and did not last. Am I on good ground

It does however cause me to re evaluate myself. It is those who endure to the end that shall be saved. It is like being in a long race and you have to have the finishing line in mind as your goal and the object is to last the distance so that you cross it. It is what I call finishing well. So far, so good, I am still going on with the lord and as we in the church heard from a recording some months ago, the day after my conversion, I woke up the next morning, still a believer and I have gone on since then every morning waking up still a believer and I trust that I will go on like that until one day it is my final morning. However, I am not content to remain as I am. I think that we all need to keep growing in knowledge and grace and not be content with what we have of the lord now. We always need more.

Crewing

Last night at the Crew was interesting, but I still do not see myself as a childrens leader. It took me back to the days when I was their age and I was a cub. I do not think I realised then that the meeting is short. They seemed longer and the reason they seemed that way is because the meeting is structured to be fast moving. Presumably this is to keep the childrens attention. It was also nice to put faces to names that I have only heard of at the prayer meeting. I had in fact seen some of those faces before at a prize giving on the estate.

I think the sort of work that goes on is more vital now than it was in my time, and it was pretty vital then. I do pray that it will produce some long term fruits.

Boys will be boys. They are studying Moses and that means coming to some understanding of Egypyt. One of the tables was put up on end to be a display board. Two of the boys got behind it and waggled their arms so that the board looked like it had four arms. I would probably have done that at their age.

In anticipation of next week, which has got to be about the burning bush, one of the girls said that when Moses went into the desert, he got married and his father in law was called Jethro. This is correct, but not at all what we were looking for.

I do think that the crew has some advantages over the cubs and scouts. There is no uniform, so parents do not have to spend money on one. It is totally christian based and therefore more likely to achieve its goals than church based cubs and scouts. When I was a cub, it was not church based, but the chaplin they had happened to be my minister. To be honest, as far as christiainity was concerned, I learned absolutely nothing in the cubs or scouts. I learned some usefull practical things, but nothing spiritual. The crew is totally spiritual, it would be impossible to be in it and learn nothing.

Walk Like an egyptian

dealing with Kids is not my thing. I get on well with individual children, but in the formal sense, I would say that it is just not my thing. I was a dreadfull Sunday school teacher many years ago and there are now two grown woman of faith who came out of that and the best I can say is I did not muck it up for them. In fact one of them is in charge of the Sunday School now and I think I can safely say that she is better than I ever was.

With all that in mind, I will be at the crew tonight. Can you believe it? This is due to the fact that the usual men are away and the current law has been interpreted to mean that women have to be there for the girls and men have to be there for the boys. As the usual men are not going to be there, I am standing in so that the meeting can go ahead.

This manner of interpretation is by no means universal. In the theatre a woman can chaperone boys and girls but a man can only do it for boys. It seems to me that the interpretation of the law is subject to those who have to take the responsibility and there therefor you need what are deemed to be good working practices.

Well we will see how tonight goes. They will be looking at Moses tonight (Walk like an Egyptian)

An induction

I was at an induction. Sometimes they can give you an idea of what lies ahead. I have no doubt that on the surface everything will be lovely, but It alarms me when people are told if they have a prophetic word to just give it. Either the bible is complete, or it is not and if people do give a prophetic word then then the bible must be incomplete ( which I do not believe)

then there is the subject of calling. As far as I can see when God called people he spoke audibly to them and they were called such as Moses before the burning bush and Paul on the road to demascus. However when paul planted churches he told them to appoint pastors and elders depending on peoples giftings. He did not say appoint them as they were called.

He also did not expect one church to take any reponisibility for decisions made by another church. Each church was independent. At this one I did not answer with everyone else a question that was put to the visitors from other churches concerning supporting this ministry. They and they alone are responsible for it, visitors are mearly well wishers and observers.

I await and see how things will pan out, but like tends to attract like. I doubt if they will be challenged where they badly need to be challenged such as in the nature of what church is, or if anyone gave a prophetic word, would it be challenged? I doubt it, however I may be wrong and I sincerly hope that I am. I said that like usually begets like, but sometimes God in his providence puts someone in who is not at all like and brings in much needed change. In both of my churches this has happened. I hope it happens in this case.

An induction

I am going to an induction tomorrow. I expect it to be ok, but I am hoping that this new minister will be more than they bargained for. I think that the church today has become a shadow of what it should be. They only preach on the more positive parts of scripture and skip over the bits that present difficulty. If there is one thing that I will say for sysematic preaching it is that the preacher is forced to preach on the more difficult, or even downright depresssing parts of scripture. it is all revealed by God and we need to get to grips with all of it, including things like Lamentation, or Job, neither of which makes for very cheerfull reading.

Kind and unkind

There are people, such as I who can be most unkind, on the other hand there are also those such as C who is the exact opposite. Both profess faith, but I think C is much more credible. I know I can be cranky when I am tired, or when I am just feeling empty, but I really do think that showing Kindness to people reflects the saviour. He is kind to us, so we should be kind to others, especially to fellow believers. Some believers would drive you up the wall, but never the less, they are the lords chosen and should be treated as such. This does not mean being foolish. There are those who believe false doctrine and we should not believe that which is false. We should however do our best to get on with everyone.

If people cannot see christ in me, then there is something far wrong. I trust that people do see christ in me.

Jims Birthday Party

Jims Birthday party was lovely. I am glad I was there for what will be a once in a lifetime experience. When mum was expecting him, I told her that if it was a boy I would put him in the bucket. I never did and he has proved to be a good brother. I love him very dearly. He has supported me in many ways especially when I left the town and he took on the hard work of looking out for our parents and our mothers twin sister. This helped me a great deal to be where I am.

I took a lot of photos of the party and put them on facebook. I also recorded a short silent video of him sending up a sky lantern.

Brothers Birthday party

I will be traveling to Dunfermline tomorrow for my brothers birthday party. I am really looking forward to the party. It will be good to celebrate and to see the family. I have not celebrated a birthday with him for many years. He has been a great support to me. My visit will be all to brief. I must make sure that I make room for photos.

Allowances

The process about allowances in underway. I think this is very stressfull for the leadership. It shows on G.

I therefore realise all the more prayer is needed. There are myths that abound on this subject. Such as George Muller never asked for money. This is nonsense. What he did was very Godly, but people who supported the childrens homes clearly could see there were needs and he did issue accounts. Needs can be deduced from accounts.

25th Anniversary Weekend again

Yesterday and today was just brilliant. I enjoyed talking to people, directing them and I think I have made a new friend. He was one of the boys at the school and he is doing good work for the lord. I find that I enjoy fellowship with him.

I think that this weekend will be one of the highlights of my life. I have seen several highlights since God brought me here and this is definetely one of the.

Peter Maiden was our speaker tonight and tomorrow the speaker will be Paul Darlington

A phone call from F

I got a phone call from F last night. She seemed worried about her son. He is in hospital. I have tried in vain to phone her since. We may not be together, but I do care. I pray for both of them and I hope that I may hear some news soon.

25th Anniversary Weekend

This coming weekend marks the 25th Anniversary of OM and Quinta Hall coming together. I have invited people from the theatre to the Friday evening cheese and wine. I really hope some of them come. All day Saturday should be good, interacting with people and I look forward to Peter Maidens address on Saturday and Paul Darlingtons address to the assembled churches on site on Sunday morning. I wonder what surprises there will be?

Why can I see things others do not. I am so angry

I am so angry today. Why has God not enabled others to see things I can? Today in a meeting in front of me, a person who aught to be old enough to know much more than he actually does told a young man that there are many spirit filled Roman Catholics. By spirit filled, he means happy clappy which when it comes to life and death means nothing and it dangerous. One can be happy clappy and utterly damned. I also think the roman catholic system is anti christ. They worship Mary, they follow the pope. It is not and never has been christian and in my experience roman catholics who get saved always leave it. If one can say they are a christian and are saved and yet remain in it, I think that something is very wrong.

A family visit

On wednesday of last week, my brother Jim, his wife and son came to visit me. I showed them round the office. That seemed to make an impression. We went out for a meal. They had not been to see me for 13 years. I really enjoyed the visit. I asked the minister to ask Jim to tell the congregation what he saw when he was here. I think that hearing it from someone else may be good for me.

I am in a couple of films

Last week, I participated in film being made by a child. It is called "Journey To Babylon" and I played Nebucudnezzar. Today, I was suddenly asked to be interviewed for a film about OM that will be part of the celebration weekend. I found doing that interview a very interesting and thought provoking experience, especially when asked what challenges there are. I finally decided to talk about communication and what a challenge that is. When pressed I said that only today, I told someone that if I know something, I think everyone knows it. However, they may not if I have not communicated it.

Drip drip drip, again

Today has been one of those days again when it is drip drip drip and I wonder just how valued I really am. I know it will pass, but frankly as I know what I am doing and have bags of experience, why is it that nobody asks if what they want from me is possible or how long it will take? This is not new, it has gone on over a number of years and here we are back at this again. If someone were to ask how I was doing spiritually, my answer would be determined on how a look at things and how the questions was put. If it were in the context of church, I would say, great, because there I still feel fed and challenged and the fellowship is great. Outside of church, I would have to say patchy. Sad, but that is the truth, but then that has to be expected. Life is not a rose garden and we have to expect that we will have problems. I trust that in it all I will see Gods faithfulness and that I do have value to him.

Joash in the Cellar

I think I am like Joash the keeper of the cellar in chronicles. He faithfully got on with the Job of keeping the oil. It would be an unseen job, but he did it faithfully. In my job, I hope I am faithfull, that I do it for the lord and to the best of my ability even in the face of adversity.

Joash probably could not forsee that his name would be recorded in the Bible. My name is in the Lambs book of life

George Verwers visit

Today George Verwer visited. If I take one thing out of this visit, it is gratitude. He says that tens of thousands of christian workers in the USA have been layed off. Presumably because of the recession, yet here am I so far, still here. I may struggle, but I am still going. It was just so uplifting.

The psalm

No good thing, will he with hold from those whose walk is upright. This is about trusting the lord and expecting him to give good things.

Drip drip drip

I was reminded this morning that just like a branch in the vine, so I have to abide in christ. I am however also reminded of a drip drip drip effect of little things. In abiding in christ I have to be aware of the cumulative effect of little things that could get on top of me or distract me or do something stupid and rash so that I am not abiding in christ.

Is It Worth It?

Is it worth it? I have often asked myself that question. However at devotions this morning, having told the story of the Witheralls, Kevin posed the question, "is HE worth it?" meaning the lord and as he has done everything for us so that we may be saved, the answer is yes.

A Glorious Day

Today is a gloriously warm day. I went to church, and then I went for a walk round the lake, took photos that will end up on facebook and on the way back to my flat I saw the conference centre guests hugging each other and saying goodbye and it occured to me, "I do not have to say goodbye, I live here." It was wonderfull. Truely God has provided for me.

The jewish thing yet once more

I got a letter today from London. As usual, it contains a number of articles, but one of them in particular caught my eye. It is written by a family whom I met a few weeks ago very briefly. The woman says that she has a passion for reaching the Jewish people scattered throughout the world. I think it unusual for this particular person to have such a passion, but I am very glad she does and I expect she is now well placed to indulge that passion. For me, it is the jewish thing again.

Why oh Why is advice not popular?

Why is it that some people do not like the idea of taking advice? At the weekend someone asked me for help in getting her brother into the country from South Africa for four months and wanted me to help. When I said that I had a friend who is an expert at visas, the contact was suddenly broken off. I suspected it would be, but she should know that I consider things and it would be foolish not to take advice. Perhaps in all this is Gods hand protecting me. I remain true to my principals that where advice from someone with a great deal of experience is freely available that advice should be sought and taken seriously.

Change

Change is in the air and I need the lord all the more to meet my needs. At the time of writing this, i have no idea what that change will be, but I know it is coming and it is coming soon. I will know for sure at the end of the month.

Right now, I am doing my best to stay calm and not get ahead of myself, to cry out to the lord and trust in him for all my needs. Who knows what I may learn in this process.

Forgiveness

I can see why scripture tells us to forgive one another. I think that it is vital. There are a lot of things going on here that could cause quarrels and there is definetely going to have to be some discussion and forgiveness. In fact the discussion is effectively underway. So far, nobody has lost the rag. Some months ago I came very close to losing it and I put my thoughts and feelings down in writing. In that way it was more controlled.

Somehow I pray God gets us throught he present situation and that we learn from it.

on its way

Tonight as we listened to a recording on the subject of prayer the speaker said that the christian has a secret life. it is the secret life of prayer and they are rewarded openly.

He also said that sometimes there comes a point where you have been praying for something and you have the conviction that you should pray for it no more. However sometimes you pray for something and you know that it will be granted and it is on its way. There is something I have prayed for for a very long time and I still feel the need to pray for it and who knows, it could be at hand. I think that it is.

Appreciation

Have you ever had one of those days, or weeks, or months where you work incredibly hard and yet people are just not pleased? It makes you feel so unapreciated even though people say to your face that they appreciate what you do? I have just had one of those days.

When things go wrong I usually sort it and sort it I did, yet it is never good enough. However, when it is the other way round, I seem to be expected to just take it without complaint.

I suppose this is what forgiveness is all about.

The Jewish thing happed again

The Jewish thing has just happened to me again. This time I went into the coffee bar as I must have done hundreds of times. There was a pile of magazines there and on the front cover was the title of an article, "Faith Journey, Im a Jew who found Jesus". There is nothing in the article that I was not aware of or surprised me, I am just wondering what God is saying to me. The article did confirm something to me however. A jew remains a jew when they know Jesus is the messiah and that is only right. It is what I would expect.

It also has a couple of web sites that I will check out.

It is only recently to that I have come to realise that I do in fact know a number of people who do not know each other, but they are all messianic Jews.

Esther

The studies in Esther came to an end today, but there will be a discussion about what we have learned from it next week.

For me, I have been reminded that God rules in his providence. Even when things are going wrong, God is still ruling even when we cannot see it.

Esther and Mordecai, were people who love the lord and were people of integrity. They could be trusted and were resected and that is what I have to be.

The studies in Esther

The studies in Esther seem to be going well. I am trying to draw some practical applications from it. For example, all that Esther and Mordicai did followed on from three days of fasting an prayer.

What they did took planning. Planning is a practical and spiritual thing, it is not either or

Ones character is paramount. The king spared Esthers life and her people because of the fact that in all her ways she pleased him. She used her judgement, her experience of palace life to present her petion in an acceptable way

Early on she took wise advice. She took Mordecais advice and when she presented herself to the king for the first time, she took advice on what to wear.

We can see that she continued to use what she had learned to please the king and deliver the Jews.

A disappointing day, or is it?

The clutch on my car is on the verge of giving up the ghost and I do not have the money for a new one. I asked God to do something today and I get this. On reflection, perhaps this is indeed an answer to prayer. A Delay.

I need the car, especially for the summer so it is just as well that this has happened now and not when I need it to go to Dunfermline. I am disappointed, but things could be a lot worse. At least i got it to the garage and home again and I am starting to plan ahead on how I can get it fixed even if it takes six weeks.

Wisdom and Providence

The bible encourages us to pray for wisdom. I am praying for that. I really need it for decisions I am going to make very soon. I am going to look at my emails, see what is there and then depending on what I see, I am going to make a decision about relationships. Who knows, what I decide on Monday may be life changing, or it may not, but one thing is for sure I am not content to let things plod on as they are even though things are OK.

Perhaps things have conspired to push me on. As I look back over my life so far, I see a pattern. I see that God has always used circumstances to push me on. Circumstances that I could not control and yet they worked out very much for my good. Things particularly at work at the moment may be such circumstances again. As yet, I do not know that. I do know that as I lead the team in a series of studies in Esther, God leads through his providence. God must have known that today I would be in the Black Country Museum and at the end of the visit, the group I was with would meet in a Methodist chapel Called the "PROVIDENCE CHAPEL". It seemed a fitting reminder that in all things, God is dealing with me.

Do I Listen to God

I have just been reading a couple of articles in Relay that prompt the question, "Do I listen to God?" Do I expect him to do things? Do I have a good relationship with him? Theologicaly the answer is yes, but do I listen to him in all situations? Am I listening to him now in the situations that I am in.

Yesterday getting that CRB form was a reminder of how he has intervened in providence to protect me in the past. I trust that he does so now, but There are things that I desperately need and do not have the wherewithall to get them for myself. Will God deliver? I am I praying aright? I believe I am, but when will I see the result?

I think it good to visit these things from time to time. It makes me see what God has done and can do. It also makes me pray all the more that I may love his word and obey it. When I sin (As indeed I do) I trust that I keep short accounts.

Esther

I start leading the team in studies in Esther this coming Friday. I am really looking forward to that. It does however mean that I have to touch on the subject of women in society of that day. Queen vashti was after all deposed for not obeying her husband the king.

However we see in this book Gods providence even though God is not specifically mentioned. I also find that I am taking more and more of an interest in the Jewish feasts and very soon because of reading this book I will be looking at the feast of purim. I expect not only to teach the team but to derive great benefit from it myself.

CRB check

The CRB check arrived in the post today. As I opened the envelope, I knew the moment of truth had arrived and it is negative. Most people would not know how much that document means to me. After all the false accusations made against me, by people I do not know and by people I suspect were mentally ill, there is not a stain on my character. I am just so pleased. It has to be God in his mercy to me who has done this. I am so thankful to him.

Those accusations were a trying time for me when they happened, yet even then I saw Gods protective hand guarding me and now I see it again.

I am innocent. I always was, but now I know it is official

The Tardis

I know this sounds daft, but it is fun. I have another TARDIS. Someone was putting out Doctor who videos, dvds and books and there was a tardis. All this was given to our Scottish Regional coordinator and she gave them to me. I am just as pleased as punch to have a good size tardis.

Yesterday

Yesterday did not go according to plan on health issues, so now I am searching around.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a very moving day for me. I went with Andy to Magull baptist church. He did his job, and I was there for the ride to see old friends. It was lovely to see them again. It was great to have a meal with them and to laugh with them. They also invited two young ladies. One was a local girl who had suffered anorexia but had recovered, the other came from Angola and some of her relatives had been shot. I really felt for both of them in their suffering.

The church was bigger then I thought and when clair did her presentation in the evening, I thought she got a good response.

It was for me a memorable day.

On the way there, the Jewish thing happened and it happened again in the meetings.

The jewish thing yet again

There I was this evening in the foye, stewarding for the theatre, when I heard a woman who was looking at the cast photos say, "Wayne Looks Jewish". Indeed he does in the hat that he is wearing. I do however now accept that these things are happening to me on a daily basis and God in his goodness is continuing to hem me in. It is not just my mind at work ( though I have considered that). It reasures me. It does however make me wonder what lies ahead. I look with anticipation.

The lambs book of life

God according to Revelation has two books. He has the Lambs book of life and those who are elect have thier names written in it. This should cause us to rejoice. He also has a book that records our deeds. This should spur us on to more Godliness.

Mud and the Jewish thing

I filled in a CRB form this morning. It should be ok, but it is also and opportunity to find out if mud from false allegations sticks. When you have been falsely accused, the feeling of "What will people think" stays with you. It is like feeling guilty when you know that you are not, but you look like you are and there is nothing you can do about it. A few years ago when I was on holiday with friend in Jersey, he refered back to the accusations. Far from being at hill of beath that night I had been in cairneyhill in his house, so his family vouched for me. He told me something that he had not told me at the time. He told me that his fathers boss had been uncle to the girl who brought the accusation, and his father had been put under a lot of pressure to change his story. I loved Johny, I had not known until I was told this just how much I owed to that man. My reputation would have gone down the pan without him. I think that accusations would have stuck without him.

Lets see what comes of it now, is there a stain against my character?

The Jewish thing happened again last night. I was watching a film I had never heard of on TV called, "In Her Shoes" and the jewish thing happened at the end. It also happened again this morning. I have started to think it is part of the hemming in. I could go another way and if I had my way, I would have gone another way a long time ago, but never the less a good way. However, Good is not the same as the best and I think God wants the best for me.

The jewish thing also happened this morning and so far it has happened every day.

God will make a way

Today, as I was sitting at my Pc, I heard one of my collegues passing by singing "God will Make a way where there seems to be no way". I first heard this during a visit to Logos II.

I often if I am being honest pray for things and think that it is impossible, yet I am trusting God to make a way and somehow deal with my unbelief.

I feel that he gives me little bits of encouragement that I need every day.

I saw a letter going out today and the first line of it was unusual to say the least, but the sight of it was such and encouragement to me.

I dont believe it

The Jewish thing has happened again. Last night I did something I rarely do. I bought a local newspaper to read about a local incident. However, in the middle of the paper was a photo of young people, one was holding a flag for the UN, another for China and another for Isreal. I caught myself exclaiming, " I dont believe it". The chances of this happening to me must me thousands to one against.

This morning was also one of those rare occassions where thought for the day caught my attention. It was by Lord Sachs the chief rabbi.

The jewish thing again and SGA

The jewish thing happed to me last night and again this morning. I watched "The Good Wife" and it was about jews, this mornings news on the radio is again about jews. I feel this for me is a prompting from the Lord.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow nights meeting with the Slavic Gospel association. I find that attending such things gives me perspective. When you are in a missions organisation, it is easy to get so wrapped up in your own work that you have no idea what other people or organisations are doing to serve the lord and I find that it is good for me to know.

New Office and Jewish things.

The glass frames of my new office are up. Yet more change and the one constant factor over the past 15 years has been me.

I still feel God is hemming me in. Pushing me in the direction he would have me go. The subject of jewish things seems to crop up, especially over the past few days. I find that I am taking more and more of an interest in things like Jewish festivals. I recently discovered that there is one that marks the deliverance by Esther. I intend to lead a series in this book after the Easter break. I am really looking forward to that.

God answering prayer

This morning Paul led devotions on James Chapter 5. Bearing in mind what I said in my last entry, one of his asides was that he found he was amazed at how God had answered his prayers even when he had not realised it. I kept an entry of prayers and by logging it, he could see how they had been answered. He pointed out that we tend to think prayers have not been answered if they are not answered next Tuesday. This dear reader is also my approach. God can and does take time to answer prayer, but answer he does.

While I was praying

Today, I have been in agony emotionally and when am like that I pray just as fervently and I asked the lord to do something today. I do not have to actually see it today, I just want the confidence that something happened today.

later on, I was preparing for a bible study in Daniel chapter 9. This is one of those chapters where Daniel got an answer while he was praying. There are also instances where answers were on their way when praying but were delayed, and abrahams servant was praying and while he still was, Rebecca came out. I do not know how God will answer as I think being prescriptive is foolish, but I am looking for an answer

I therefore put this on the blog and mark this day to see if this was the day that the answer was granted.

God will make a way

We have a guest today from Australia. Right now I am praying that God will open some doors for me. This man happened to be standing beside me singing to himself and he sang the opening Line, "God will make a way, where there seems to be no way". Let me see if that was for me. Let me se what God will do.

The truth is, I doubt, and I have confessed this to the lord to get his help. I have in mind the man who said, Lord I believe, help my unbelief. I have often found this to be of great comfort. I am at least honest with God and myself and perhaps for that reason the man was standing beside me this morning singing that song.

I was also thinking this morning that Gods word asks retorical questions. Concerning the father it says, "If you ask for a fish, will he give you a stone". If you then being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give the holy spirit (Or good gifts) to those who ask. The critical thing here is we must ask, and this not a promise for self indulgence. We should ask for good things. Things that will help us in our walk with the lord and right now I am asking for something that I need to achieve that.

last thursday

Last thursday, it was good to see almost the whole team together for the sessions on our Goals and steps for 2010. To see so many of us together is a rare event. It was a timely reminder that we are all part of Gods family.

my anniversary 2

I told the team in devotions this morning that it is my anniversary tomorrow. It will be 15 years since I joined OM. I was then very touched at how Chris Prayed for me that I had been an encouragement and that I would see many answers to prayer this year. I watch and wait.

The things we know and the things we do not know

There are things we know, and the reason that we know them is that God has revealed them. There are things that we do not know because God has not revealed them. God expects us to believe and act on the things that he has revealed.

The readers digest

It is amazing what you see if you casually read the Readers Digest. I saw something in it yesterday that set me thinking that God in his providence knew that I would see that particular article and be reaussured that he is working.

my anniversary

It will be my anniversary on the 9th of January. I have just been out and bought a cake for it. It will be 15 years since I joined OM. Through those years, one way or another God has sustained me and I thank him for it.

Amatuers

Today is one of those days where a word I thought of before the politicians did is very apt. That word is amatuer. I have just found out that a stand has to be collected and brought here and when someone says to me collected from the office, then that is what I understand it to mean, THE OFFICE. However, now it has to be collected from a house. I was also told to have it delivered here, but now the email says deliver somewhere else. They want an exact time as if any courier driver can set his watch and be at a certain house at an exact time. I have never met one yet who could to that because of the demands of the job.

I will be on facebook and a perspective on myself

I will be on facebook later this week having dropped it from Christmas. I find that it is good for being in touch with old friends.

I said earlier that keeping this blog gives me perspective. I do hope that at the end of this year when I look back, I will find that I have made progess in being a better christian. That I will have faithfully pressed on toward the final goal. That I would love the lord and his word all the more.

I changed my mind

I changed my mind about going to knutsford. I mis spelt it first time. I would like to go later in the year. There are a few places I would like to visit this year. I hope to see my second cousin, I want to see the Doctor Who exhibition. I would also like to go to Blists Hill. According to the advert they have a new street.

knutsford and being alone and the end of the Doulos

I was lying in bed this morning listeng to "Womans Hour". Yes you did read that correctly, "WOMANS HOUR". Sometimes men listen to things not aimed at them. The main subject was costume dramas and this of course led to a discussion about Cranford. I now realise that it was based on knutsford which is somewhere in cheshire, so if the weather is not too bad tomorrow, I may go there to have a look at it.

A lot of the time, I would like to have someone to do things with. If I do go to Nutsford tomorrow I will be alone, but if I did not do things alone, then it is doubtfull if I would do them at all. Perhaps I may come back with some interesting photos. I find that I now photograph things just because I think they are beautiful such as a photo I took of the sun shining through a tree. If I was using film I probably would not do that because of the cost of developement. I was reminded of how much that could cost when I got some films developed recently that I actually shot three years ago. I knew that I had photos of my family and the Doulos among them and I wanted to get the Doulos photos developed so that I could scan them and put them on facebook now that the old girl has reached the end of her days. Come to think of it, as today is the first of January, this is the first day without the Doulos.

What I saw on the last day of 2009

Yesterday was the last day of 2009. I went out to do a bit of shopping and when I got back, I looked out the kitchen window and saw and ambulance car and and ambulance going to chris and jackies. I had seen Jackie at the top of the driveway. I now realise that she was there to direct the ambulance.

I expect I will be told later what was going on.

The first day of 2010

Last nights Hogmonay party in the Sunday School was fun. It was very relaxed, I even had a bit of a go at dancing as I did for the OM christmas party. I have started to change my opinion of my dancing skill. I have always thought that I was bad at it. I still do not think I am as good as I would like to be, but I have come to realise that I generally know what I am doing and most people do not. I reached that conclusion at the christmas party and at last nights party I realised that most people get things wrong because they are thinking about the stepps and not really listening to the music.

this is the first year of 2010. The only thing I can think of that my family have planned for it is Carolyn and Ians wedding. Apart from that , I wonder what God has in store for us. Will there be any glorious conversions? One thing I am certain of is that in all circumstances God wants me to be steadfast and faithfull. I am sorry to say that I know of people who have fallen by the way. People whom I know once named Jesus as saviour but do not do so today. I am reminded that scripture says that he who endures to the end shall be saved. I do not believe that means that we work to be a saved for Jesus has done that for us. I think that what this scripture says is that enduring to the end is a result of having true saving faith.

I look forward to 2010. Perhaps it will have its disappointments, but I look forward to what God will do be it in big or small ways.