late marriage

Late Marriage is Not a Curse Posted on 06/22/2017 by Brandon Adams picmonkey_imageOK, this takes the cake. I just ran across a blog post vigorously arrayed “against” late marriage. The author was praying for his release from any sin or curse that might be keeping him in the “cage” of late marriage. He went through everything imaginable…generational sins, unfaithfulness, betraying others, demonic sacrifices, everything but the kitchen sink. And then ended with visualizing the fulfillment of his expectation that he would marry soon. All in Jesus’ name, of course. Double take. I want to be clear that I do practice spiritual warfare. I’ll even admit that an idea isn’t automatically ridiculous just because it strikes me so. I’ve heard respected Christian authors say that great couples are opposed from before their meeting. So who knows, maybe a few people do have to fight that battle. And I certainly agree that marriage sounds good. I’m the family type, always have been. Some people are simply built that way. Independence is overrated for me. (My readership is now skewing their heads quizzically: are we sure he’s male? Yes.) But the assumption that late marriage is always a curse? Can’t get on board with that. I wonder what this blogger does with Paul, who chose lifelong singleness for the Kingdom’s sake. I wonder what he does with Matthew 19, where Jesus bluntly tells us that not everyone is cut out for matrimony. “His plans are for my good,” this blogger chants. But how do you know what’s good for you? Perhaps singleness is better. Perhaps Satan isn’t a convenient catch-all for every circumstance you dislike. At the risk of flipping your worldview upside down, what if it’s God holding you back? I must be clear on another thing: I don’t believe every Christian single is being “held hostage” until they check off “enough boxes”, or reach “Expert Level” on being satisfied in God, before God marries them off. That all-too-common theory knows nothing of grace, and it leads singles into an awful existence running around in circles rummaging for internal flaws so that God might “lift his hand”. A terrible motive for pursuing righteousness. But…I won’t make a principle either. I do believe God does this with some people. He’s certainly entitled to. This blogger is obviously operating from a prosperity gospel mindset where his definitions of “good”, not God’s, are in effect. Such richness is lost that way. Waiting is transformative. It’s given me time to grow, to stabilize, to get deeper into God’s Word and become a better potential head for a wife. I cannot tell you how valuable the wait has been. Thanks to God opening my eyes and ears to the realities of marriages around me, I’ve been able to beat back the ignorant albeit near-subconscious fantasies that singles buy into (marriage is a cure-all, etc.) and start plugging into the Thing that matters most. It’s forced me to reckon with God. It’s forced me to acknowledge that I’m not in control and that his ways are best; that he is my ultimate validation, strength, and peace; and that he really is enough. That’s a shipload of treasures that would have missed the port entirely had I married when I wanted. Believe me, I look forward to tying the knot someday. But I won’t try dictating to God what’s best, and I won’t claim that singleness is the absolute nadir of human existence, to be avoided at all costs. There are things far worse. Like living life without God. Thus the Gospel and its theology of hardship keep their place as the Main Thing, above every other consideration. Share this: Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)More Related Singles Training #2: How to View The KingdomIn "Singleness" Singles' Training #1: How to View A SpouseIn "Singleness" 6 Spouse-Related Reasons You Need Jesus More Than a SpouseIn "Singleness" This entry was posted in Singleness. Bookmark the permalink. Post navigation ← One Way Loyalty 10 thoughts on “Late Marriage is Not a Curse” nightshade130 says: 06/22/2017 at 6:28 am I concur with everything that you’ve said here Brandon. Sometimes, I think people become anxious in their “singleness”, that they feel the need to speed up the process by doing unnecessary things to get attention perhaps towards the wrong person that they deem as their “awaited” spouse. It’s so important to build a solid foundational relationship with God as a single person (In my opinion) before thinking of joining up with another person because another person can’t fulfill you the way that God can. Building that personal relationship with God is an individualistic thing and it matters if a person wants to grow in maturity and knowledge. Sometimes, people run into a relationship thinking that the other person can fill the voids that they probably have in their hearts, but only God can fill those places. Joining up with another person while still having an identity crisis will do nothing but be a disservice to the individual and the overall duration of that relationship. Personal growth is an individualistic thing and when a person truly knows who they are in Christ as they build intimacy in knowing God for themselves, will such a person be ready for a real relationship with another person. That’s just my 2 cents on the matter. – Sherline 😀 Liked by 1 person Reply Brandon Adams says: 06/22/2017 at 8:38 am Well said, all of it. I don’t fully understand why some people are required to train with live bullets (by marrying early) and why others are put through years of drills first, but at some point, you just have to play the hand you’ve been dealt. I’m playing mine. Liked by 1 person Reply SheldaRay says: 06/22/2017 at 6:52 am Waiting is definitely transformative. Singleness is a season of restoration as well. If we can’t learn to depend on God and trust in Him during our singleness then how can we keep God first in a relationship? Some people also idolize and worship marriage. They put marriage first. Again, God uses singleness to transform or restore a person’s dependency and identity through Him and not through a spouse. Great post! Liked by 2 people Reply Brandon Adams says: 06/22/2017 at 8:39 am Thanks for the visit, Shelda. Liked by 1 person Reply damarisb513 says: 06/22/2017 at 7:54 am This post is a great reminder that marriage isn’t the end goal – Jesus is. It is definitely hard being a single in a predominantly non-single church body because you feel like you are missing out but then I remember in 1 Cor 7 where Paul talks about it being better to be single because you don’t have the distractions of the world and can have a full heart of devotion to the Lord. There are continual ups and downs in the single walk, for sure, but I look back at all that I have been able to do BECAUSE I was single and I am so grateful for the season that He has kept me in and preparing me for the next. God is so sovereign. Also, I pray for that man that ranted about late marriage – God’s time is the best and perfect time. Liked by 1 person Reply Brandon Adams says: 06/22/2017 at 8:39 am I pray for him as well. I admit I can’t fully know his heart from a single blog post – maybe he’s quite mature in other ways. Like Reply feelingsuicidalblog says: 06/22/2017 at 8:11 am Amen! Love your comments about God being the One who often holds us back…and about Him being the Main Thing. Couldn’t agree more! Liked by 1 person Reply Brandon Adams says: 06/22/2017 at 8:40 am Thanks for the comment. 🙂 Like Reply insanitybytes22 says: 06/22/2017 at 9:27 am LOL! Training with live bullets? I love what you said above. Cracked me up. My husband and I actually met when I was 16, went our separate ways, and he reappeared in my life when he was 27. That’s not really late marriage, but my point being we both really needed over a decade to figure out what was what. My oldest daughter and her hubby married at 18 and they’re still going strong. My second daughter is pushing 30 and claiming she’ll never meet anyone. A friend of mine is 50, divorced twice, swore off women forever…. but recently married one with 3 small kids. It’s a bit funny, he’s as puzzled about it as we are. Not what he thought he’d be doing,not what he planned,and yet it’s right somehow. So, there is great diversity in what God wants to do with people, what song He is writing for each one of us. Liked by 1 person Reply Brandon Adams says: 06/22/2017 at 9:35 am That’s actually a very important point. A lot of singles’ literature we read tries to apply one-size-fits-all principles to everyone. That doesn’t take into account that God works differently with everyone. There are commands that apply to us all, of course, but there also needs to be some breathing room in our understanding of what God’s doing with each of us. 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